The 4am

"The 4am" goes by many many names..... there's the "Your cab is here", the Walk of Shame, "College Time", and "So am I a convenience?" just to name a few.

The very first time I pulled a 4AM, was actually a "So am I a convenience?" and a "College Time" combo. Very tricky... should only be done by a professional..... wait that sounds bad.... should only be done by.... um..... yeah it all just sounds bad. Moving on.....
I was having "College Time" with this guy when I actually WAS in college believe it or not and he had a girlfriend back home. He was trying to be all smooth and "it's OK baby", you know what I mean.... and here's me, who knew full well there was a girlfriend back home....
Me: So can I ask you something?
Him: Anything baby
Me: So am I a convenience?
Him:Um........ what?
Me (a little slower this time so he can understand): Am I a convenience? I know you have a girlfriend, so I was just wondering if this was just a convenience thing?
Him: (after a long pause) So I should get going, I have an early class tomorrow.

The second time was MANY MANY MANY years later..... It was a friends wedding OK! The wine was free.... and there was A LOT of it.... Whatever... like you haven't done it?!
Anyway, it was a co-worker and he came home with me and there was some "College Time" and it wasn't actually 4am more like midnight....
Me: Sooooooooo..... are you gonna spend the night?
Him: What?
Me: (slower) Are you going to spend the night?
Him: Um........
Me: Cause I'm kinda tired and if you're not gonna spend the night then you should probably go now
Him: Um..... OK
Me: (a few minutes later) Sooooooooo....... was that OK you're gonna spend the night? Or OK you're gonna go?
Him: Yeah I think I should probably just go
Me: OK see you tomorrow!

The next time actually was about 4AM (which is when this little move got its name) and the conversation was pretty much the same as the one above, different guy tho.... what?

Now the "You're Cab is Here" was actually not me, believe it or not. Homeless called himself a cab the next morning. But I am totally gonna steal that one from him. That one takes a lot of pre-planning and cannot be done on the fly like the "4AM" or the "So Am I a Convenience?", you gotta make sure he still has enough money from the night before to PAY for the cab fair back to where ever it is he came from.

"The Walk of Shame" is a well known tried and true and needs no explanation. I have NEVER actually done the "Walk of Shame" myself, but have sent them on their way a couple of times.... and of course every time is "Are you sure you don't want me to give you a ride?" in my most sweet and innocent voice I can muster.

I guess the moral of this story kids, is to always have an out. Either call them a cab, or say something that will get them up and moving so that YOU can get a blissful, sound, full night's sleep in your own bed....


XOXO
Darla

Stalkers

OK lets talk Stalkers for a minute.
Is it a good thing to be Stalked? When does Stalking go from being creepy to being "aw isn't that sweet?" or visa verse.
I've had a couple stalkers in my day..... mostly co-workers.
One used to sniff my hair when I got in in the morning and if my hair was still damp would offer to get me a hair dryer.
One told me "I drove by your house last night and noticed your bedroom light was on."
Yeah I lived on a dead end street... there's no "driving by"
Please keep in mind that I did not date nor show any interest in dating either of them.

Homeless once told some chick that I was his Stalker. Yeah that didn't go over well. Haven't really talked to him since.... Hard to have a Stalker when they don't actually Stalk you!! (not that I was anyway)

So this new guy... don't you fret my followers I'll come up with a nickname for him too... has apparently driven by my office a couple times..... googled where I work.... and checked out everything on my FB page.
Creepy? or Sweet? Is this some one who just wants to know everything about me?
What's the line?

T said she married her Stalker.... so..... I think for right now I'm gonna assume this is a good Stalking not a creepy one.

You know what happens when you assume tho...


XOXO
Darla

Date Like Qualities

Ok so many many many months ago I was hanging out at my fav watering hole with Homeless and getting drunk texts from my girl T (heeeeeeyyyyyy!!), and she said something about making him take me out on a REAL date.
Unbeknownst to me he was reading over my shoulder... this is how part of that conversation went....

Homeless: HEY!
Me: What?
Homeless: I just took you out on a REAL date!!
Me: Um....... you did? And don't read over my shoulder.
Homeless: Yeah we went to that one place and had steaks.... remember
Me: Holy Shit! That was a DATE?!?!? I thought we were just hanging out
Homeless: Well it had date like qualities.....
ME: Oh....... I'm sorry
Homeless: Whatever

Not to toot my own horn or anything here (toot toot baby!) but I have to say that I'm usually pretty good at reading people. However for some reason when it comes to being asked out on a date, I'm totally clueless.

There was this one time (in band camp) when a co-worker asked me if I wanted to go see some movie with him. We had a pretty friendly relationship, kinda flirty, I called him my husband.... So about half way thru the movie I realized we were actually on a date. And sadly at the end of the night he moved in for a kiss good-night and I "gave him the cheek". I thought we were just friends.... apparently not.

(For those of you not aware "giving the cheek" is a similar move to the "pat pat". It lets them know without coming right out and saying it that you're not really interested, unfortunately sometimes they don't get it and you have to pull out the "double pat pat" not to be confused with the "double tap" which is only to be used in zombie invasions.)

Anywho.... the reason I bring all this up is because about a week ago I got asked out via FB.... I had to text T and ask her to read it and verify that yes in fact I was asked out. She agreed that I was. DUH! It was totally out of the blue, unexpected and all that. So you can see where I would be unsure.

And yes I went, and yes it was an ACTUAL date, not one with "date like qualities"

I was talking to my Hetero Life Partner the other day about it and she was congratulating me on the fact that he paid and was a gentleman, holding doors and pulling out my chair and all that. Its sad to me that this is no longer the norm.

Aren't boys SUPPOSED to try to impress you with good behavior and pay for stuff?


XOXO
Darla

PS.... Still going on dates with the FB Guy..... YAY!