The Internet Boyz

I have a couple of friends that swear by Internet dating. One of my really good friends found her partner there (Heeeeyyyyy!), another friend always had fabulous luck going on dates, another friend of a friend found his wife online, one of my YAYA!'s found her hubby.... the stories go on and on... every one has a friend or a friend of a friend that found their significant other online and are extremely happy.
I on the other hand have had nothing but crappy dates and losers. Maybe its me, I don't know. I even had a friend write my profile for me, and still nothing but crap. I know some one reading this will say.. "You should try such and such site. My sisters cousins brothers dog walker found her husband on that site"
No people, I have tried many many many sites.... ones you pay for and ones you don't. I am a major online loser magnet.
Let me give you some examples.....

There was the first guy i talked to over the phone, we had emailed a couple times and then finally gave him my number.... We were talking about our favorite movies of all time and his was about these sexual deviants, like child molesters and peeping toms.... um...... thanks but I'll pass.

Then there was the guy that had visitation with his "nephew" , every day after school and every other weekend. I'm sorry, what? Your NEPHEW?! Really? How dumb do you think I am? No one has visitation with their nephew... it's your kid, be honest about it. He also sent me a poem about 3 dates in about how he had found the "light in the darkness... his soul mate"..... NEXT!

One of my favorites was the guy that I was supposed to meet for coffee, only to find out that the place he chose to meet had been torn down so we ended up in this fancy restaurant. I was soooo not dressed appropriately for fancy restaurant. Anyway. This was the first and thank god last time I have ever excused myself to the bathroom and seriously pondered if I could fit thru the bathroom window. He talked AT me for 20 minutes about the difference between the Batman comic books and the Batman movies. Apparently the comic books are waaaaaaay better. He actually tried to kiss me in the parking lot when we were leaving..... WHAT?! Really?! You thought that went well?!?!?!?!?!

And the all time #1 Internet Guy was the one that actually had a lot of promise! Until he opened his mouth and told me that he thought the women's movement was the downfall of society. This was after I had cooked him dinner at MY HOUSE. Yup, the downfall of society. Nuf said.

More recently I have received 2 emails.... please see below


I'm **** like you already know,I am 46 years old, Live in Oregon City, OR..I'm single and I have been Window for a year now ..Your profile and pictures caught my attention.Though we might be miles apart and I don't want you to think about the Distance between me and you.I'm charmed with the reply you wrote to me. I am a God fearing man, with good morals and values am honest I do not cheat or play games, I can't stand seeing some one been intentionally hurt I have had my heart broken before and will never pass that kind of pain to a woman... I'm a simple man with a big heart you will find that i am very caring, understanding, patient,loving and kind. I am full of passion and romance, and have an endless amount of love to offer the right woman..I'm searching to find that one woman that will take my breath away,the one woman that I can never stop thinking of for any reason, the one woman that the mere whisper of her name brings a smile to my face.She must be not only my best friend, but also my soul mate. My commitment to this woman will be till the end of time when i find her, asking her hand in marriage is all i ever hope for, I must tell you that I am also old fashioned in my beliefs and would defend and protect this woman at any cost for any reason. I believe that a man should be able to look up to her woman for protection, for well being, and for strength. I intend on fulfilling these roles without failure, I will be this one special woman's knight in shinning armor. This special woman will know that I am deeply in love with him, for I am the type of man that showers him in my love, Whether it be flowers, gifts of candy or jewelry, or just a simple "I love you" and a kiss, she will always know she is loved and appreciated. I hope to have caught your attention with this letter, and would like to discover who you really are, and how much love you have inside of your heart after been heart broken, For you could be the man i am searching for. The only person that truly knows that answer is God himself. I am willing to take the chance and see, if you are willing to get along. Someone once told me "It is better to have lived life and regret what we have done, than to never have lived and regret doing nothing." I believe this to be true. If you decide that you are interested in discovering the real me and seeing if I'm the man you are searching for, please write back tome. I'mcompassionate,matured,considerate,Honest,Caring, and Romantic.I enjoy boating, hiking, camping,fishing, nature, walks on the beach, sunsets, movies, music, cooking,fishing camping walking holding hand's horse back riding and quiet nights at home.I am looking for the love of my life. The one I cannot stand to be without for even a second. I'm looking for the dreamy type of love, few of us ever get to know. I am a gentle man, but I can be very intimidating if needed to be. I would like to know the kind of beauty that is expressed in all ways,spiritual,physical,emotionally and intellectually. I am not very demanding, I believe in letting life flow naturally, I don't force things. Life is a dance and I am seeking my dance partner. A relationship should be 50/50 anything else isn't acceptable. I am not pretentious, nor do I like people who are.I would like to add that I only seek serious inquiries .Willing to invest myself in getting to know you. I feel after talking,then meeting in person you can tell if there is chemistry and common interest. When you look people in the eyes you can tell alot about them and if they are being truthful..If you don't mind we can be chat mate you can add me at ******@yahoo.com..Thanks and I will be awaiting for your response.

All I did was ask him to tell me a little bit about himself
Maybe you should make sure your emails make sense.... what?!

Next one.....

Hello. ***** here in SW Portland. Me(briefly):College Degree, no kids, single, professional, creative, witty, honest, genuine, trustworthy, friendly, energetic, passionate,entertaining, dependable, caring, loving, focused, and searching for similar. I'd love to chat some time. I'm on f a c e b o o k (********, Portland, OR) or a t : ********** (a T ) g M ai l. c o m . My number is 5 0 3 . ******** . Hope to hear from you soon Diana. Sincerely, ******* ; ) Sent from my iPhone

Pretty sure my name isn't Diana.......

Come on guys. This is the best you got?

XOXO
Darla