Homeless, part 1

Boy, I don't even really know where to start with this one. I'll warn you now, it's gonna be long.

I met Homeless about 5 years ago. We dated for about 3 or 4 months, depends on which one of us you ask. He was sooooo freaking sweet back then. He sent me flowers to my work, called me one morning and left a message saying that he had just rolled out of bed thinking about me and wanted to let me know. Whenever we would go out he would make sure I was occupied (not the right word, but I think you know what I mean) before going to talk to a friend and would keep checking up on me (he still does that) He held the door open (still does that too), was polite, he ordered ranch for me when we had pizza without me asking him to. Dumb I know, but its the little things that really get me.
And boy did he get me.

Did I love him? Do I still love him? If I'm going to be totally open and honest and out there with you all, yup sure was and still am. I will probably always have a wicked soft spot for him. T calls him my kryptonite, my crack. He's the only guy that I still kind of get all butterfly-y when I first see him. He's like an old favorite pair of sweats, or an old blanket that you just want to curl up in.

However if you ask me if I am IN love with him... my answer would have to be "Maybe? I think so? Sometimes? I don't know. What was the question?"

He is a walking talking confusing contradiction of vague answers and random statements.

He has managed to break my heart, more then once, and in the same breath make me laugh so hard I thought I would pee my pants. When you have his attention you have his full attention and you can feel like you are the center of the universe.... however he can be very "oh look something shiny!" and will walk away from you in mid word and make you feel disposable... all within about 5 minutes.

I should probably stop here and tell you that he isn't ACTUALLY homeless. He owns his own condo and car outright, he has enough money from a couple of inheritances that he doesn't actually have to work until he's I think 50? And he's turning 40 this year... T nicknamed him homeless because he gets drunk and sleeps in his car.... or the nearest park bench.... what? I have to give him props tho... at least he's not out drinking and driving and running down people or wrapping himself around a tree. However... sleeping in your car, or nearest park bench (what?), is probably not the best thing either.

ANYWAY...

I don't know what it is about him. Maybe its that I feel protected around him.... not just safe but protected. I know, even now, that he would eff up any one that messed with me, without hesitation. He makes me laugh like you have no idea. We have a lot of the same ideas, likes, dislikes, same taste in books and movies. We get along REALLY well (most of the time, you know when he's not being an ass).

Again on paper, we are an amazing couple. Damn that paper!

Don't get me wrong, he's not the greatest thing since sliced bread. There is PLENTY wrong with him.... for example.... he once had an ex-girlfriend slash all of his tires... ALL of his tires. He said she was crazy but now I wonder if he made her that way. Or we would occasionally hook up after we broke up, friends with bene's right? Bene for who? He would pass out in the middle of sex (I'll try not to get too graphic here)... not at the end, not before it got started... IN THE MIDDLE of it, IN MID ACTION. And not just once.... he did that like 3 or 4 times. Gotta tell you that is NOT good for a girls ego AT ALL!!

I told him once that he was the most interesting person I had met. And he will never let me forget it. Some of the stuff that comes out of this kids mouth is amazing. As T likes to say "who says that?! Seriously WHO SAYS THAT?!"
Let me give you some examples....
"I love that you love to put up me"
"You look good considering how well you've been used" (on my birthday)
"I respect you too much to sleep with you"
"I'm never going to die, cause God can't let the Devil have my soul. It would upset the balance between good and evil."
"I'll bet you've had sex more recently then I have. Oral counts too. When was your last time?" (said in a VERY loud outside voice in the middle of a movie theater)
"Soooooo.... are you pregnant? I'm guess we won't really know until you start your cycle on the 10th, huh?"
"I told her you were my stalker... OH! But I didn't tell her that we slept together last week, sooooo..."
"Amber (his fav bartender) wants to know what it is with me and chicks that have big asses."
And one of my personal favs..... "I don't think you could ever make me cry, cause there are no feelings involved. That's why we get along so well" (This comes about 2 weeks after he told me he loved me)
Everyone all together now!! "WHO SAYS THAT??!?!?!?!?!?"

Part 2 tomorrow....

XOXO
Darla