Soooooooo........ ok. I know this blog started out as the big funny that is my dating life... but things are gonna change up just a little.
I think I mentioned a couple of blogs back that I went out with an old friend, we're still dating. YAY! It's going pretty good so far, at least I think it is. He really likes me A LOT, and I'm getting there..... you know me! Baby steps!!
Anyhoo....
Next weekend I'm meeting his kids. For all of you who know me, this is going to be VERY TRAUMATIC!!!! Don't get me wrong, kids are fine especially other peoples kids, its really just the babies I have issue with. As long as they can tell me exactly what they want and can wipe their own asses, I'm good. His kids are there, so shouldn't be an issue, right? RIGHT?!?!?!?
Oh Sweet Baby Jesus.... ok so we are taking them to the pumpkin patch. Lots of distractions going on, and they will hardly know I'm there. Its gonna be fine..... just fine.... ok, I'm breathing.... I'm breathing....
So as if this part of dating isn't stressful enough for me.... I had a little surprise this weekend.
I met his mother
HIS MOTHER!!
Can you hear what I'm saying people?!?!? HIS MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!! oh yeah and his step dad....
I was so not presentable either. At least I had taken a shower that morning and packed a bag before i went over to his house, so I had some clothes to change into. But my hair was all jacked up, my shirt had a hole in it.... barely any make up on. Better than sweats and a tank top tho right? And of course he was no help... " you look fine babe, really, she's gonna love you. Stop fussing, you look fine"
FINE?!?!? I'M MEETING YOUR MOTHER!!!!!!!
Luckily!! She was awesome, very cool, laid back, super nice. She called me sweetheart and gave me a huge hug. I think it went well. I hope it went well.
Do you think it went well???!!!!????
Kids next week.... god help me.
XOXO
Darla
Monday, October 17, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
The 4am
"The 4am" goes by many many names..... there's the "Your cab is here", the Walk of Shame, "College Time", and "So am I a convenience?" just to name a few.
The very first time I pulled a 4AM, was actually a "So am I a convenience?" and a "College Time" combo. Very tricky... should only be done by a professional..... wait that sounds bad.... should only be done by.... um..... yeah it all just sounds bad. Moving on.....
I was having "College Time" with this guy when I actually WAS in college believe it or not and he had a girlfriend back home. He was trying to be all smooth and "it's OK baby", you know what I mean.... and here's me, who knew full well there was a girlfriend back home....
Me: So can I ask you something?
Him: Anything baby
Me: So am I a convenience?
Him:Um........ what?
Me (a little slower this time so he can understand): Am I a convenience? I know you have a girlfriend, so I was just wondering if this was just a convenience thing?
Him: (after a long pause) So I should get going, I have an early class tomorrow.
The second time was MANY MANY MANY years later..... It was a friends wedding OK! The wine was free.... and there was A LOT of it.... Whatever... like you haven't done it?!
Anyway, it was a co-worker and he came home with me and there was some "College Time" and it wasn't actually 4am more like midnight....
Me: Sooooooooo..... are you gonna spend the night?
Him: What?
Me: (slower) Are you going to spend the night?
Him: Um........
Me: Cause I'm kinda tired and if you're not gonna spend the night then you should probably go now
Him: Um..... OK
Me: (a few minutes later) Sooooooooo....... was that OK you're gonna spend the night? Or OK you're gonna go?
Him: Yeah I think I should probably just go
Me: OK see you tomorrow!
The next time actually was about 4AM (which is when this little move got its name) and the conversation was pretty much the same as the one above, different guy tho.... what?
Now the "You're Cab is Here" was actually not me, believe it or not. Homeless called himself a cab the next morning. But I am totally gonna steal that one from him. That one takes a lot of pre-planning and cannot be done on the fly like the "4AM" or the "So Am I a Convenience?", you gotta make sure he still has enough money from the night before to PAY for the cab fair back to where ever it is he came from.
"The Walk of Shame" is a well known tried and true and needs no explanation. I have NEVER actually done the "Walk of Shame" myself, but have sent them on their way a couple of times.... and of course every time is "Are you sure you don't want me to give you a ride?" in my most sweet and innocent voice I can muster.
I guess the moral of this story kids, is to always have an out. Either call them a cab, or say something that will get them up and moving so that YOU can get a blissful, sound, full night's sleep in your own bed....
XOXO
Darla
The very first time I pulled a 4AM, was actually a "So am I a convenience?" and a "College Time" combo. Very tricky... should only be done by a professional..... wait that sounds bad.... should only be done by.... um..... yeah it all just sounds bad. Moving on.....
I was having "College Time" with this guy when I actually WAS in college believe it or not and he had a girlfriend back home. He was trying to be all smooth and "it's OK baby", you know what I mean.... and here's me, who knew full well there was a girlfriend back home....
Me: So can I ask you something?
Him: Anything baby
Me: So am I a convenience?
Him:Um........ what?
Me (a little slower this time so he can understand): Am I a convenience? I know you have a girlfriend, so I was just wondering if this was just a convenience thing?
Him: (after a long pause) So I should get going, I have an early class tomorrow.
The second time was MANY MANY MANY years later..... It was a friends wedding OK! The wine was free.... and there was A LOT of it.... Whatever... like you haven't done it?!
Anyway, it was a co-worker and he came home with me and there was some "College Time" and it wasn't actually 4am more like midnight....
Me: Sooooooooo..... are you gonna spend the night?
Him: What?
Me: (slower) Are you going to spend the night?
Him: Um........
Me: Cause I'm kinda tired and if you're not gonna spend the night then you should probably go now
Him: Um..... OK
Me: (a few minutes later) Sooooooooo....... was that OK you're gonna spend the night? Or OK you're gonna go?
Him: Yeah I think I should probably just go
Me: OK see you tomorrow!
The next time actually was about 4AM (which is when this little move got its name) and the conversation was pretty much the same as the one above, different guy tho.... what?
Now the "You're Cab is Here" was actually not me, believe it or not. Homeless called himself a cab the next morning. But I am totally gonna steal that one from him. That one takes a lot of pre-planning and cannot be done on the fly like the "4AM" or the "So Am I a Convenience?", you gotta make sure he still has enough money from the night before to PAY for the cab fair back to where ever it is he came from.
"The Walk of Shame" is a well known tried and true and needs no explanation. I have NEVER actually done the "Walk of Shame" myself, but have sent them on their way a couple of times.... and of course every time is "Are you sure you don't want me to give you a ride?" in my most sweet and innocent voice I can muster.
I guess the moral of this story kids, is to always have an out. Either call them a cab, or say something that will get them up and moving so that YOU can get a blissful, sound, full night's sleep in your own bed....
XOXO
Darla
Friday, September 9, 2011
Stalkers
OK lets talk Stalkers for a minute.
Is it a good thing to be Stalked? When does Stalking go from being creepy to being "aw isn't that sweet?" or visa verse.
I've had a couple stalkers in my day..... mostly co-workers.
One used to sniff my hair when I got in in the morning and if my hair was still damp would offer to get me a hair dryer.
One told me "I drove by your house last night and noticed your bedroom light was on."
Yeah I lived on a dead end street... there's no "driving by"
Please keep in mind that I did not date nor show any interest in dating either of them.
Homeless once told some chick that I was his Stalker. Yeah that didn't go over well. Haven't really talked to him since.... Hard to have a Stalker when they don't actually Stalk you!! (not that I was anyway)
So this new guy... don't you fret my followers I'll come up with a nickname for him too... has apparently driven by my office a couple times..... googled where I work.... and checked out everything on my FB page.
Creepy? or Sweet? Is this some one who just wants to know everything about me?
What's the line?
T said she married her Stalker.... so..... I think for right now I'm gonna assume this is a good Stalking not a creepy one.
You know what happens when you assume tho...
XOXO
Darla
Is it a good thing to be Stalked? When does Stalking go from being creepy to being "aw isn't that sweet?" or visa verse.
I've had a couple stalkers in my day..... mostly co-workers.
One used to sniff my hair when I got in in the morning and if my hair was still damp would offer to get me a hair dryer.
One told me "I drove by your house last night and noticed your bedroom light was on."
Yeah I lived on a dead end street... there's no "driving by"
Please keep in mind that I did not date nor show any interest in dating either of them.
Homeless once told some chick that I was his Stalker. Yeah that didn't go over well. Haven't really talked to him since.... Hard to have a Stalker when they don't actually Stalk you!! (not that I was anyway)
So this new guy... don't you fret my followers I'll come up with a nickname for him too... has apparently driven by my office a couple times..... googled where I work.... and checked out everything on my FB page.
Creepy? or Sweet? Is this some one who just wants to know everything about me?
What's the line?
T said she married her Stalker.... so..... I think for right now I'm gonna assume this is a good Stalking not a creepy one.
You know what happens when you assume tho...
XOXO
Darla
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Date Like Qualities
Ok so many many many months ago I was hanging out at my fav watering hole with Homeless and getting drunk texts from my girl T (heeeeeeyyyyyy!!), and she said something about making him take me out on a REAL date.
Unbeknownst to me he was reading over my shoulder... this is how part of that conversation went....
Homeless: HEY!
Me: What?
Homeless: I just took you out on a REAL date!!
Me: Um....... you did? And don't read over my shoulder.
Homeless: Yeah we went to that one place and had steaks.... remember
Me: Holy Shit! That was a DATE?!?!? I thought we were just hanging out
Homeless: Well it had date like qualities.....
ME: Oh....... I'm sorry
Homeless: Whatever
Not to toot my own horn or anything here (toot toot baby!) but I have to say that I'm usually pretty good at reading people. However for some reason when it comes to being asked out on a date, I'm totally clueless.
There was this one time (in band camp) when a co-worker asked me if I wanted to go see some movie with him. We had a pretty friendly relationship, kinda flirty, I called him my husband.... So about half way thru the movie I realized we were actually on a date. And sadly at the end of the night he moved in for a kiss good-night and I "gave him the cheek". I thought we were just friends.... apparently not.
(For those of you not aware "giving the cheek" is a similar move to the "pat pat". It lets them know without coming right out and saying it that you're not really interested, unfortunately sometimes they don't get it and you have to pull out the "double pat pat" not to be confused with the "double tap" which is only to be used in zombie invasions.)
Anywho.... the reason I bring all this up is because about a week ago I got asked out via FB.... I had to text T and ask her to read it and verify that yes in fact I was asked out. She agreed that I was. DUH! It was totally out of the blue, unexpected and all that. So you can see where I would be unsure.
And yes I went, and yes it was an ACTUAL date, not one with "date like qualities"
I was talking to my Hetero Life Partner the other day about it and she was congratulating me on the fact that he paid and was a gentleman, holding doors and pulling out my chair and all that. Its sad to me that this is no longer the norm.
Aren't boys SUPPOSED to try to impress you with good behavior and pay for stuff?
XOXO
Darla
PS.... Still going on dates with the FB Guy..... YAY!
Unbeknownst to me he was reading over my shoulder... this is how part of that conversation went....
Homeless: HEY!
Me: What?
Homeless: I just took you out on a REAL date!!
Me: Um....... you did? And don't read over my shoulder.
Homeless: Yeah we went to that one place and had steaks.... remember
Me: Holy Shit! That was a DATE?!?!? I thought we were just hanging out
Homeless: Well it had date like qualities.....
ME: Oh....... I'm sorry
Homeless: Whatever
Not to toot my own horn or anything here (toot toot baby!) but I have to say that I'm usually pretty good at reading people. However for some reason when it comes to being asked out on a date, I'm totally clueless.
There was this one time (in band camp) when a co-worker asked me if I wanted to go see some movie with him. We had a pretty friendly relationship, kinda flirty, I called him my husband.... So about half way thru the movie I realized we were actually on a date. And sadly at the end of the night he moved in for a kiss good-night and I "gave him the cheek". I thought we were just friends.... apparently not.
(For those of you not aware "giving the cheek" is a similar move to the "pat pat". It lets them know without coming right out and saying it that you're not really interested, unfortunately sometimes they don't get it and you have to pull out the "double pat pat" not to be confused with the "double tap" which is only to be used in zombie invasions.)
Anywho.... the reason I bring all this up is because about a week ago I got asked out via FB.... I had to text T and ask her to read it and verify that yes in fact I was asked out. She agreed that I was. DUH! It was totally out of the blue, unexpected and all that. So you can see where I would be unsure.
And yes I went, and yes it was an ACTUAL date, not one with "date like qualities"
I was talking to my Hetero Life Partner the other day about it and she was congratulating me on the fact that he paid and was a gentleman, holding doors and pulling out my chair and all that. Its sad to me that this is no longer the norm.
Aren't boys SUPPOSED to try to impress you with good behavior and pay for stuff?
XOXO
Darla
PS.... Still going on dates with the FB Guy..... YAY!
Monday, August 22, 2011
The List
I think every girl has a list of her perfect mate. Tall, short, chunky, thin, rich, poor, Porsche or VW.
That list evolves and gets longer or shorter as you get older and wiser.
My list started off like this...
Luke Skywalker - I had the biggest crush on him growing up. He was the perfect man for me.... He was tormented just enough and all he ever needed was a hug from me to take it all away.... whatever I was 9.
Then the list changed to...
George Clooney - Do I really need to explain it? Come on IT'S GEORGE CLOONEY!!!!
Or if that didn't work out (a girl can dream)..
Under 6 feet
Has a job
Doesn't live in his parents basement
I don't weigh more than he does
My girlfriends like to add to my list every time I break up with some one... so the list evolved to..
Not married (should be a no brainer, but yeah some times we let our vajays do all the thinking)
Doesn't pass out in his car or sleep on a picnic table
Isn't 14 years younger than you
etc.....
Sadly today, the List is even shorter.... I think I would almost settle for...
Has a penis
Is breathing
Or George Clooney
XOXO
Darla
That list evolves and gets longer or shorter as you get older and wiser.
My list started off like this...
Luke Skywalker - I had the biggest crush on him growing up. He was the perfect man for me.... He was tormented just enough and all he ever needed was a hug from me to take it all away.... whatever I was 9.
Then the list changed to...
George Clooney - Do I really need to explain it? Come on IT'S GEORGE CLOONEY!!!!
Or if that didn't work out (a girl can dream)..
Under 6 feet
Has a job
Doesn't live in his parents basement
I don't weigh more than he does
My girlfriends like to add to my list every time I break up with some one... so the list evolved to..
Not married (should be a no brainer, but yeah some times we let our vajays do all the thinking)
Doesn't pass out in his car or sleep on a picnic table
Isn't 14 years younger than you
etc.....
Sadly today, the List is even shorter.... I think I would almost settle for...
Has a penis
Is breathing
Or George Clooney
XOXO
Darla
Side Note
So I watched "Definitely, Maybe" this weekend. For those of you who have not seen the movie, it's about a father (yummy Ryan Reynolds) telling his daughter the story of how he and her mother met.
In this day and age of Internet dating and social networking, it seems to me that we've lost all romance. What happened to... "We saw each other from across the room and our eyes met and I just knew"
I mean really? what are you gonna tell your kids? Daddy liked my profile and "winked" at me? Then we spent the next 2 weeks emailing each other with "LOL" and "OMG"?
Is it just me? Or is that really really really sad?
XOXO
Darla
In this day and age of Internet dating and social networking, it seems to me that we've lost all romance. What happened to... "We saw each other from across the room and our eyes met and I just knew"
I mean really? what are you gonna tell your kids? Daddy liked my profile and "winked" at me? Then we spent the next 2 weeks emailing each other with "LOL" and "OMG"?
Is it just me? Or is that really really really sad?
XOXO
Darla
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
The Internet Boyz
I have a couple of friends that swear by Internet dating. One of my really good friends found her partner there (Heeeeyyyyy!), another friend always had fabulous luck going on dates, another friend of a friend found his wife online, one of my YAYA!'s found her hubby.... the stories go on and on... every one has a friend or a friend of a friend that found their significant other online and are extremely happy.
I on the other hand have had nothing but crappy dates and losers. Maybe its me, I don't know. I even had a friend write my profile for me, and still nothing but crap. I know some one reading this will say.. "You should try such and such site. My sisters cousins brothers dog walker found her husband on that site"
No people, I have tried many many many sites.... ones you pay for and ones you don't. I am a major online loser magnet.
Let me give you some examples.....
There was the first guy i talked to over the phone, we had emailed a couple times and then finally gave him my number.... We were talking about our favorite movies of all time and his was about these sexual deviants, like child molesters and peeping toms.... um...... thanks but I'll pass.
Then there was the guy that had visitation with his "nephew" , every day after school and every other weekend. I'm sorry, what? Your NEPHEW?! Really? How dumb do you think I am? No one has visitation with their nephew... it's your kid, be honest about it. He also sent me a poem about 3 dates in about how he had found the "light in the darkness... his soul mate"..... NEXT!
One of my favorites was the guy that I was supposed to meet for coffee, only to find out that the place he chose to meet had been torn down so we ended up in this fancy restaurant. I was soooo not dressed appropriately for fancy restaurant. Anyway. This was the first and thank god last time I have ever excused myself to the bathroom and seriously pondered if I could fit thru the bathroom window. He talked AT me for 20 minutes about the difference between the Batman comic books and the Batman movies. Apparently the comic books are waaaaaaay better. He actually tried to kiss me in the parking lot when we were leaving..... WHAT?! Really?! You thought that went well?!?!?!?!?!
And the all time #1 Internet Guy was the one that actually had a lot of promise! Until he opened his mouth and told me that he thought the women's movement was the downfall of society. This was after I had cooked him dinner at MY HOUSE. Yup, the downfall of society. Nuf said.
More recently I have received 2 emails.... please see below
I'm **** like you already know,I am 46 years old, Live in Oregon City, OR..I'm single and I have been Window for a year now ..Your profile and pictures caught my attention.Though we might be miles apart and I don't want you to think about the Distance between me and you.I'm charmed with the reply you wrote to me. I am a God fearing man, with good morals and values am honest I do not cheat or play games, I can't stand seeing some one been intentionally hurt I have had my heart broken before and will never pass that kind of pain to a woman... I'm a simple man with a big heart you will find that i am very caring, understanding, patient,loving and kind. I am full of passion and romance, and have an endless amount of love to offer the right woman..I'm searching to find that one woman that will take my breath away,the one woman that I can never stop thinking of for any reason, the one woman that the mere whisper of her name brings a smile to my face.She must be not only my best friend, but also my soul mate. My commitment to this woman will be till the end of time when i find her, asking her hand in marriage is all i ever hope for, I must tell you that I am also old fashioned in my beliefs and would defend and protect this woman at any cost for any reason. I believe that a man should be able to look up to her woman for protection, for well being, and for strength. I intend on fulfilling these roles without failure, I will be this one special woman's knight in shinning armor. This special woman will know that I am deeply in love with him, for I am the type of man that showers him in my love, Whether it be flowers, gifts of candy or jewelry, or just a simple "I love you" and a kiss, she will always know she is loved and appreciated. I hope to have caught your attention with this letter, and would like to discover who you really are, and how much love you have inside of your heart after been heart broken, For you could be the man i am searching for. The only person that truly knows that answer is God himself. I am willing to take the chance and see, if you are willing to get along. Someone once told me "It is better to have lived life and regret what we have done, than to never have lived and regret doing nothing." I believe this to be true. If you decide that you are interested in discovering the real me and seeing if I'm the man you are searching for, please write back tome. I'mcompassionate,matured,considerate,Honest,Caring, and Romantic.I enjoy boating, hiking, camping,fishing, nature, walks on the beach, sunsets, movies, music, cooking,fishing camping walking holding hand's horse back riding and quiet nights at home.I am looking for the love of my life. The one I cannot stand to be without for even a second. I'm looking for the dreamy type of love, few of us ever get to know. I am a gentle man, but I can be very intimidating if needed to be. I would like to know the kind of beauty that is expressed in all ways,spiritual,physical,emotionally and intellectually. I am not very demanding, I believe in letting life flow naturally, I don't force things. Life is a dance and I am seeking my dance partner. A relationship should be 50/50 anything else isn't acceptable. I am not pretentious, nor do I like people who are.I would like to add that I only seek serious inquiries .Willing to invest myself in getting to know you. I feel after talking,then meeting in person you can tell if there is chemistry and common interest. When you look people in the eyes you can tell alot about them and if they are being truthful..If you don't mind we can be chat mate you can add me at ******@yahoo.com..Thanks and I will be awaiting for your response.
All I did was ask him to tell me a little bit about himself
Maybe you should make sure your emails make sense.... what?!
Next one.....
Hello. ***** here in SW Portland. Me(briefly):College Degree, no kids, single, professional, creative, witty, honest, genuine, trustworthy, friendly, energetic, passionate,entertaining, dependable, caring, loving, focused, and searching for similar. I'd love to chat some time. I'm on f a c e b o o k (********, Portland, OR) or a t : ********** (a T ) g M ai l. c o m . My number is 5 0 3 . ******** . Hope to hear from you soon Diana. Sincerely, ******* ; ) Sent from my iPhone
Pretty sure my name isn't Diana.......
Come on guys. This is the best you got?
XOXO
Darla
I on the other hand have had nothing but crappy dates and losers. Maybe its me, I don't know. I even had a friend write my profile for me, and still nothing but crap. I know some one reading this will say.. "You should try such and such site. My sisters cousins brothers dog walker found her husband on that site"
No people, I have tried many many many sites.... ones you pay for and ones you don't. I am a major online loser magnet.
Let me give you some examples.....
There was the first guy i talked to over the phone, we had emailed a couple times and then finally gave him my number.... We were talking about our favorite movies of all time and his was about these sexual deviants, like child molesters and peeping toms.... um...... thanks but I'll pass.
Then there was the guy that had visitation with his "nephew" , every day after school and every other weekend. I'm sorry, what? Your NEPHEW?! Really? How dumb do you think I am? No one has visitation with their nephew... it's your kid, be honest about it. He also sent me a poem about 3 dates in about how he had found the "light in the darkness... his soul mate"..... NEXT!
One of my favorites was the guy that I was supposed to meet for coffee, only to find out that the place he chose to meet had been torn down so we ended up in this fancy restaurant. I was soooo not dressed appropriately for fancy restaurant. Anyway. This was the first and thank god last time I have ever excused myself to the bathroom and seriously pondered if I could fit thru the bathroom window. He talked AT me for 20 minutes about the difference between the Batman comic books and the Batman movies. Apparently the comic books are waaaaaaay better. He actually tried to kiss me in the parking lot when we were leaving..... WHAT?! Really?! You thought that went well?!?!?!?!?!
And the all time #1 Internet Guy was the one that actually had a lot of promise! Until he opened his mouth and told me that he thought the women's movement was the downfall of society. This was after I had cooked him dinner at MY HOUSE. Yup, the downfall of society. Nuf said.
More recently I have received 2 emails.... please see below
I'm **** like you already know,I am 46 years old, Live in Oregon City, OR..I'm single and I have been Window for a year now ..Your profile and pictures caught my attention.Though we might be miles apart and I don't want you to think about the Distance between me and you.I'm charmed with the reply you wrote to me. I am a God fearing man, with good morals and values am honest I do not cheat or play games, I can't stand seeing some one been intentionally hurt I have had my heart broken before and will never pass that kind of pain to a woman... I'm a simple man with a big heart you will find that i am very caring, understanding, patient,loving and kind. I am full of passion and romance, and have an endless amount of love to offer the right woman..I'm searching to find that one woman that will take my breath away,the one woman that I can never stop thinking of for any reason, the one woman that the mere whisper of her name brings a smile to my face.She must be not only my best friend, but also my soul mate. My commitment to this woman will be till the end of time when i find her, asking her hand in marriage is all i ever hope for, I must tell you that I am also old fashioned in my beliefs and would defend and protect this woman at any cost for any reason. I believe that a man should be able to look up to her woman for protection, for well being, and for strength. I intend on fulfilling these roles without failure, I will be this one special woman's knight in shinning armor. This special woman will know that I am deeply in love with him, for I am the type of man that showers him in my love, Whether it be flowers, gifts of candy or jewelry, or just a simple "I love you" and a kiss, she will always know she is loved and appreciated. I hope to have caught your attention with this letter, and would like to discover who you really are, and how much love you have inside of your heart after been heart broken, For you could be the man i am searching for. The only person that truly knows that answer is God himself. I am willing to take the chance and see, if you are willing to get along. Someone once told me "It is better to have lived life and regret what we have done, than to never have lived and regret doing nothing." I believe this to be true. If you decide that you are interested in discovering the real me and seeing if I'm the man you are searching for, please write back tome. I'mcompassionate,matured,considerate,Honest,Caring, and Romantic.I enjoy boating, hiking, camping,fishing, nature, walks on the beach, sunsets, movies, music, cooking,fishing camping walking holding hand's horse back riding and quiet nights at home.I am looking for the love of my life. The one I cannot stand to be without for even a second. I'm looking for the dreamy type of love, few of us ever get to know. I am a gentle man, but I can be very intimidating if needed to be. I would like to know the kind of beauty that is expressed in all ways,spiritual,physical,emotionally and intellectually. I am not very demanding, I believe in letting life flow naturally, I don't force things. Life is a dance and I am seeking my dance partner. A relationship should be 50/50 anything else isn't acceptable. I am not pretentious, nor do I like people who are.I would like to add that I only seek serious inquiries .Willing to invest myself in getting to know you. I feel after talking,then meeting in person you can tell if there is chemistry and common interest. When you look people in the eyes you can tell alot about them and if they are being truthful..If you don't mind we can be chat mate you can add me at ******@yahoo.com..Thanks and I will be awaiting for your response.
All I did was ask him to tell me a little bit about himself
Maybe you should make sure your emails make sense.... what?!
Next one.....
Hello. ***** here in SW Portland. Me(briefly):College Degree, no kids, single, professional, creative, witty, honest, genuine, trustworthy, friendly, energetic, passionate,entertaining, dependable, caring, loving, focused, and searching for similar. I'd love to chat some time. I'm on f a c e b o o k (********, Portland, OR) or a t : ********** (a T ) g M ai l. c o m . My number is 5 0 3 . ******** . Hope to hear from you soon Diana. Sincerely, ******* ; ) Sent from my iPhone
Pretty sure my name isn't Diana.......
Come on guys. This is the best you got?
XOXO
Darla
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Side note - Homeless
What really cracks me up is when Homeless and I go out and we run into people he knows and I don't. 99% of the time after he introduces me and walks away to get a beer or talk to someone else or whatever, the people turn to me and start singing his praises.
He's such a good guy.
He has a really great heart.
We just adore him.
blah blah blah blah.....
I usually pretend like I don't know and just smile and say "oh really?" or " That's great to hear"
Then I tell him what they said and he laughs and says "Did you set them straight?" or "yeah so-and-so said we make a cute couple. I told him we tried it before and it didn't work out so great for you"
To which of course I always say "didn't work out so great for you either... you effed up the best thing that ever happened to you" and smile my biggest bestest smile
And walk away
xoxo
Darla
He's such a good guy.
He has a really great heart.
We just adore him.
blah blah blah blah.....
I usually pretend like I don't know and just smile and say "oh really?" or " That's great to hear"
Then I tell him what they said and he laughs and says "Did you set them straight?" or "yeah so-and-so said we make a cute couple. I told him we tried it before and it didn't work out so great for you"
To which of course I always say "didn't work out so great for you either... you effed up the best thing that ever happened to you" and smile my biggest bestest smile
And walk away
xoxo
Darla
Homeless Part 2/ The Sunday Morning Theory
So this was going to be 2 different blogs, but the more I thought about it, the more they should be combined.
(This may get a little sappy, just saying)
My friends tease me about my 4am move (that is its own blog), but there are the occasions that I allow a Sunday Morning. You have to be careful when pulling a Sunday Morning, it can be deadly. Sunday Mornings are when you have the very real possibility of the dreaded "feelings" rear their ugly head.
Sunday Morning is when you fall in love, even if its just until you get out of bed.
I'm not talking about doing the nasty... although that's usually pretty good too.
I'm talking about the snuggling and the lazing around until noon and joking around with each other....
I gotta say of all the boys, Homeless gives the best Sunday Mornings ever! (Even tho there are no feelings involved)
Sunday Mornings are when he traces patterns out of the freckles on your arm and says he loves freckles and you say its a good thing you have a lot of them, and he gives you "that" smile.
Sunday Mornings are when you are snuggling on him (not in a dirty way!! God you guys!) and ask if your squishing him and he says yes and then you ask if he wants you to move and he says no and tucks the covers in tight around you both.
Sunday Mornings are when he tells you stories from when he was little.
Sunday Mornings are when he tells you that he thinks his dad, who passed away, would have really liked you.
(But there are no feelings involved)
See what I mean? Sunday Mornings can be deadly. Its a good thing Sunday Mornings are few and far between. I think Sunday Mornings are the real Homeless... not the one he pretends to be when he's out at the bar trying to be what every one expects him to be.
If you haven't caught on yet, Homeless has no filter... whatever he thinks, he says. Without hesitation. Can be bad as you saw in Homeless part 1, and unfortunately can be really good on Sunday Mornings.
(This may get a little sappy, just saying)
My friends tease me about my 4am move (that is its own blog), but there are the occasions that I allow a Sunday Morning. You have to be careful when pulling a Sunday Morning, it can be deadly. Sunday Mornings are when you have the very real possibility of the dreaded "feelings" rear their ugly head.
Sunday Morning is when you fall in love, even if its just until you get out of bed.
I'm not talking about doing the nasty... although that's usually pretty good too.
I'm talking about the snuggling and the lazing around until noon and joking around with each other....
I gotta say of all the boys, Homeless gives the best Sunday Mornings ever! (Even tho there are no feelings involved)
Sunday Mornings are when he traces patterns out of the freckles on your arm and says he loves freckles and you say its a good thing you have a lot of them, and he gives you "that" smile.
Sunday Mornings are when you are snuggling on him (not in a dirty way!! God you guys!) and ask if your squishing him and he says yes and then you ask if he wants you to move and he says no and tucks the covers in tight around you both.
Sunday Mornings are when he tells you stories from when he was little.
Sunday Mornings are when he tells you that he thinks his dad, who passed away, would have really liked you.
(But there are no feelings involved)
See what I mean? Sunday Mornings can be deadly. Its a good thing Sunday Mornings are few and far between. I think Sunday Mornings are the real Homeless... not the one he pretends to be when he's out at the bar trying to be what every one expects him to be.
If you haven't caught on yet, Homeless has no filter... whatever he thinks, he says. Without hesitation. Can be bad as you saw in Homeless part 1, and unfortunately can be really good on Sunday Mornings.
Good thing there's no feelings involved.....
XOXO
Darla
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Side note
I think I need to stop dating guys that are borderline ADD.... after re-reading the Puppy and thinking/writing about Homeless... I'm starting to sense a pattern.
FOCUS!!!
FOCUS!!!
Homeless, part 1
Boy, I don't even really know where to start with this one. I'll warn you now, it's gonna be long.
I met Homeless about 5 years ago. We dated for about 3 or 4 months, depends on which one of us you ask. He was sooooo freaking sweet back then. He sent me flowers to my work, called me one morning and left a message saying that he had just rolled out of bed thinking about me and wanted to let me know. Whenever we would go out he would make sure I was occupied (not the right word, but I think you know what I mean) before going to talk to a friend and would keep checking up on me (he still does that) He held the door open (still does that too), was polite, he ordered ranch for me when we had pizza without me asking him to. Dumb I know, but its the little things that really get me.
And boy did he get me.
Did I love him? Do I still love him? If I'm going to be totally open and honest and out there with you all, yup sure was and still am. I will probably always have a wicked soft spot for him. T calls him my kryptonite, my crack. He's the only guy that I still kind of get all butterfly-y when I first see him. He's like an old favorite pair of sweats, or an old blanket that you just want to curl up in.
However if you ask me if I am IN love with him... my answer would have to be "Maybe? I think so? Sometimes? I don't know. What was the question?"
He is a walking talking confusing contradiction of vague answers and random statements.
He has managed to break my heart, more then once, and in the same breath make me laugh so hard I thought I would pee my pants. When you have his attention you have his full attention and you can feel like you are the center of the universe.... however he can be very "oh look something shiny!" and will walk away from you in mid word and make you feel disposable... all within about 5 minutes.
I should probably stop here and tell you that he isn't ACTUALLY homeless. He owns his own condo and car outright, he has enough money from a couple of inheritances that he doesn't actually have to work until he's I think 50? And he's turning 40 this year... T nicknamed him homeless because he gets drunk and sleeps in his car.... or the nearest park bench.... what? I have to give him props tho... at least he's not out drinking and driving and running down people or wrapping himself around a tree. However... sleeping in your car, or nearest park bench (what?), is probably not the best thing either.
ANYWAY...
I don't know what it is about him. Maybe its that I feel protected around him.... not just safe but protected. I know, even now, that he would eff up any one that messed with me, without hesitation. He makes me laugh like you have no idea. We have a lot of the same ideas, likes, dislikes, same taste in books and movies. We get along REALLY well (most of the time, you know when he's not being an ass).
Again on paper, we are an amazing couple. Damn that paper!
Don't get me wrong, he's not the greatest thing since sliced bread. There is PLENTY wrong with him.... for example.... he once had an ex-girlfriend slash all of his tires... ALL of his tires. He said she was crazy but now I wonder if he made her that way. Or we would occasionally hook up after we broke up, friends with bene's right? Bene for who? He would pass out in the middle of sex (I'll try not to get too graphic here)... not at the end, not before it got started... IN THE MIDDLE of it, IN MID ACTION. And not just once.... he did that like 3 or 4 times. Gotta tell you that is NOT good for a girls ego AT ALL!!
I told him once that he was the most interesting person I had met. And he will never let me forget it. Some of the stuff that comes out of this kids mouth is amazing. As T likes to say "who says that?! Seriously WHO SAYS THAT?!"
Let me give you some examples....
"I love that you love to put up me"
"You look good considering how well you've been used" (on my birthday)
"I respect you too much to sleep with you"
"I'm never going to die, cause God can't let the Devil have my soul. It would upset the balance between good and evil."
"I'll bet you've had sex more recently then I have. Oral counts too. When was your last time?" (said in a VERY loud outside voice in the middle of a movie theater)
"Soooooo.... are you pregnant? I'm guess we won't really know until you start your cycle on the 10th, huh?"
"I told her you were my stalker... OH! But I didn't tell her that we slept together last week, sooooo..."
"Amber (his fav bartender) wants to know what it is with me and chicks that have big asses."
And one of my personal favs..... "I don't think you could ever make me cry, cause there are no feelings involved. That's why we get along so well" (This comes about 2 weeks after he told me he loved me)
Everyone all together now!! "WHO SAYS THAT??!?!?!?!?!?"
Part 2 tomorrow....
XOXO
Darla
I met Homeless about 5 years ago. We dated for about 3 or 4 months, depends on which one of us you ask. He was sooooo freaking sweet back then. He sent me flowers to my work, called me one morning and left a message saying that he had just rolled out of bed thinking about me and wanted to let me know. Whenever we would go out he would make sure I was occupied (not the right word, but I think you know what I mean) before going to talk to a friend and would keep checking up on me (he still does that) He held the door open (still does that too), was polite, he ordered ranch for me when we had pizza without me asking him to. Dumb I know, but its the little things that really get me.
And boy did he get me.
Did I love him? Do I still love him? If I'm going to be totally open and honest and out there with you all, yup sure was and still am. I will probably always have a wicked soft spot for him. T calls him my kryptonite, my crack. He's the only guy that I still kind of get all butterfly-y when I first see him. He's like an old favorite pair of sweats, or an old blanket that you just want to curl up in.
However if you ask me if I am IN love with him... my answer would have to be "Maybe? I think so? Sometimes? I don't know. What was the question?"
He is a walking talking confusing contradiction of vague answers and random statements.
He has managed to break my heart, more then once, and in the same breath make me laugh so hard I thought I would pee my pants. When you have his attention you have his full attention and you can feel like you are the center of the universe.... however he can be very "oh look something shiny!" and will walk away from you in mid word and make you feel disposable... all within about 5 minutes.
I should probably stop here and tell you that he isn't ACTUALLY homeless. He owns his own condo and car outright, he has enough money from a couple of inheritances that he doesn't actually have to work until he's I think 50? And he's turning 40 this year... T nicknamed him homeless because he gets drunk and sleeps in his car.... or the nearest park bench.... what? I have to give him props tho... at least he's not out drinking and driving and running down people or wrapping himself around a tree. However... sleeping in your car, or nearest park bench (what?), is probably not the best thing either.
ANYWAY...
I don't know what it is about him. Maybe its that I feel protected around him.... not just safe but protected. I know, even now, that he would eff up any one that messed with me, without hesitation. He makes me laugh like you have no idea. We have a lot of the same ideas, likes, dislikes, same taste in books and movies. We get along REALLY well (most of the time, you know when he's not being an ass).
Again on paper, we are an amazing couple. Damn that paper!
Don't get me wrong, he's not the greatest thing since sliced bread. There is PLENTY wrong with him.... for example.... he once had an ex-girlfriend slash all of his tires... ALL of his tires. He said she was crazy but now I wonder if he made her that way. Or we would occasionally hook up after we broke up, friends with bene's right? Bene for who? He would pass out in the middle of sex (I'll try not to get too graphic here)... not at the end, not before it got started... IN THE MIDDLE of it, IN MID ACTION. And not just once.... he did that like 3 or 4 times. Gotta tell you that is NOT good for a girls ego AT ALL!!
I told him once that he was the most interesting person I had met. And he will never let me forget it. Some of the stuff that comes out of this kids mouth is amazing. As T likes to say "who says that?! Seriously WHO SAYS THAT?!"
Let me give you some examples....
"I love that you love to put up me"
"You look good considering how well you've been used" (on my birthday)
"I respect you too much to sleep with you"
"I'm never going to die, cause God can't let the Devil have my soul. It would upset the balance between good and evil."
"I'll bet you've had sex more recently then I have. Oral counts too. When was your last time?" (said in a VERY loud outside voice in the middle of a movie theater)
"Soooooo.... are you pregnant? I'm guess we won't really know until you start your cycle on the 10th, huh?"
"I told her you were my stalker... OH! But I didn't tell her that we slept together last week, sooooo..."
"Amber (his fav bartender) wants to know what it is with me and chicks that have big asses."
And one of my personal favs..... "I don't think you could ever make me cry, cause there are no feelings involved. That's why we get along so well" (This comes about 2 weeks after he told me he loved me)
Everyone all together now!! "WHO SAYS THAT??!?!?!?!?!?"
Part 2 tomorrow....
XOXO
Darla
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
The Puppy
I met the Puppy about 3 years ago I think… wow time flies!! We met at the local watering hole. Seemed like a decent guy. Little did I know. We had a bunch of stuff in common, excellent kisser! On paper we were a great couple. Trouble is, is that you can’t trust the paper. The main problem with him at the time was that he just irritated the hell out of me. More often than not everything that came out of his mouth pushed every button I have. Almost all of our conversations turned into arguments. Mostly they ended with him saying to me “I really don’t want to argue with you” to which I have to say “then don’t pee when you are on the phone with me” Yeah he did.
However he could really make me laugh. Like full on snorting in public laugh. Still can the bastard.
To be totally honest I really wasn’t all that into him, but I was bored at the time and needed a little ego boost. He was pretty to look at and had a killer bod. We nicknamed him the Puppy because he used to blow up my phone all day long. He was always chatting me up, or following me around the bar… not in a stalker kind of way, but like a little puppy. Every girl needs a puppy now and then. Doesn’t she?
So eventually we tapered off and pretty much just became friends. He started dating this one chick named Dot…. Yup Dot….. We all referred to her as WWW. What?
Anyway she was crazy psycho and totally stalked him. That was entertaining to watch. (I’m so going to hell)
We stopped talking after he got all involved with the wrong crowd and started doing drugs and getting arrested for DUII’s and stupid crap like that. However he keeps resurfacing.
The first time he asked me why we stopped talking and I told him it was because he effed up and started hanging with the wrong crowd. He swore he was done with all that and that he was “back baby!” That lasted about 3 months and then he was arrested again.
Second time he came back he showed up at the bar like the day after he got out of jail to “celebrate”. I ended up taking him home with me because he had no ride home, no money for a cab, and I didn’t want to drive him to Gresham. I SWEAR it was to sleep on my couch. I’m not even joking when I say that he TEXT me FROM the couch to tell me that he didn’t like the couch. Now for those of you who don’t know, my house is about 700-800 square feet, and there are no doors. Archways, but no doors. You can lay on the couch and see my bed. AND THE DUMBASS TEXT ME FROM THE COUCH! I had to get up and go to the kitchen counter to read the text message. “Fine!” I say “You can sleep in the bed with me but NO funny business”. I should have slept on the couch…. That bastard snored and tossed and turned all freaking night long. AND in the morning asks me for a ride to his friend’s house near Lloyd Center. OK, that’s not too far away…..um….. 43rd and Alberta is NO WHERE NEAR LLOYD CENTER!!
This last time he came back, he messaged me on FB the same day he got out and told me that he had been trying to get ahold of me while he was in jail cause he thought I would write to him and he put me on his visitors list. Really? I mean really? He showed up at my house was a couple weekends ago about 10pm totally wasted and walking down the street with a half case of PBR tucked under his arm. We sat outside on the steps for a bit talking. Him telling me that he's gonna take me out for Pho and a walk in the park.... with his $3.00 and on his bike..... bicycle that is. Really? Why are you trying to be all romantic with me? I'm pretty sure we're past that. Then he wanted to come in and "watch a movie"… yeah that ended up in an argument too…. I have to say that we do argue well. I think we’ve perfected it. I pretty much haven’t heard from him since then. But he knows he effed up, cause he left me a message saying so. I was like “yup you sure did', now hop on your Schwinn and ride away.
Oh Puppy, will you ever learn?
XOXO
Darla
However he could really make me laugh. Like full on snorting in public laugh. Still can the bastard.
To be totally honest I really wasn’t all that into him, but I was bored at the time and needed a little ego boost. He was pretty to look at and had a killer bod. We nicknamed him the Puppy because he used to blow up my phone all day long. He was always chatting me up, or following me around the bar… not in a stalker kind of way, but like a little puppy. Every girl needs a puppy now and then. Doesn’t she?
So eventually we tapered off and pretty much just became friends. He started dating this one chick named Dot…. Yup Dot….. We all referred to her as WWW. What?
Anyway she was crazy psycho and totally stalked him. That was entertaining to watch. (I’m so going to hell)
We stopped talking after he got all involved with the wrong crowd and started doing drugs and getting arrested for DUII’s and stupid crap like that. However he keeps resurfacing.
The first time he asked me why we stopped talking and I told him it was because he effed up and started hanging with the wrong crowd. He swore he was done with all that and that he was “back baby!” That lasted about 3 months and then he was arrested again.
Second time he came back he showed up at the bar like the day after he got out of jail to “celebrate”. I ended up taking him home with me because he had no ride home, no money for a cab, and I didn’t want to drive him to Gresham. I SWEAR it was to sleep on my couch. I’m not even joking when I say that he TEXT me FROM the couch to tell me that he didn’t like the couch. Now for those of you who don’t know, my house is about 700-800 square feet, and there are no doors. Archways, but no doors. You can lay on the couch and see my bed. AND THE DUMBASS TEXT ME FROM THE COUCH! I had to get up and go to the kitchen counter to read the text message. “Fine!” I say “You can sleep in the bed with me but NO funny business”. I should have slept on the couch…. That bastard snored and tossed and turned all freaking night long. AND in the morning asks me for a ride to his friend’s house near Lloyd Center. OK, that’s not too far away…..um….. 43rd and Alberta is NO WHERE NEAR LLOYD CENTER!!
This last time he came back, he messaged me on FB the same day he got out and told me that he had been trying to get ahold of me while he was in jail cause he thought I would write to him and he put me on his visitors list. Really? I mean really? He showed up at my house was a couple weekends ago about 10pm totally wasted and walking down the street with a half case of PBR tucked under his arm. We sat outside on the steps for a bit talking. Him telling me that he's gonna take me out for Pho and a walk in the park.... with his $3.00 and on his bike..... bicycle that is. Really? Why are you trying to be all romantic with me? I'm pretty sure we're past that. Then he wanted to come in and "watch a movie"… yeah that ended up in an argument too…. I have to say that we do argue well. I think we’ve perfected it. I pretty much haven’t heard from him since then. But he knows he effed up, cause he left me a message saying so. I was like “yup you sure did', now hop on your Schwinn and ride away.
Oh Puppy, will you ever learn?
XOXO
Darla
Friday, July 22, 2011
Side note....
All I have to say is that they are all very lucky that I am me and that I have a kind and good heart and that I am a softy. However I do not let things go quickly or quietly. Break a promise and its on.
You know who you are.
You know who you are.
The Young One....
Howdy All! Yup its background time.... each of the main characters are gonna have their 10 seconds of fame here. Lucky them!
Let me start by saying that you probably won't hear much about the Young One unless I go back thru some text message archives. I haven't really talked to him in about a year.
I met him thru a friend and I honestly don't remember how old he was at the time. He was legal so.... whew! Anyway we didn't really start messing around until a few years later, and by then I know he was at least 21, maybe 22. And yes I am old enough to be his mother.... a really really young mother. He doesn't live in town so most of it was dirty text messages (I should teach a class).... boys now days are all about the text messages... what happened to calling a girl?
Anyway....
He was a sweet kid, but it was doomed to fail from the start. First he was who he was.... can't go any further into it then that. Trust me. Second, he really wanted to get married and have like a million babies. Anyone who knows me knows that this is not really my game plan to put it mildly. Kids freak me out. Scratch that BABIES freak me out. Third, he was YOUNG. I know age isn't supposed to matter and if you're in love you don't see age... blah blah blah blah. But 14 years difference is A LOT. And with guys its not just the 14 years you are dealing with. They are like dogs, but in reverse. For dogs one of our years is like 7 for them right? Well with guys 7 of our female years is like one of theirs. My theory is take a guys age and subtract 7 years and you get his maturity level. 21 = 14. Now tell me if you are 30 something, do you really have any business messing around with some one that has the maturity level of a 14 year old boy?
Yeah didn't think so!
So having said all that the BIGGEST problem with the Young One was that he was a really bad kisser.... really impressive at other things (I'll keep it clean this is a family show after all).... REALLY impressive. The kissing however was extremely lacking... came at you with full on open mouth and crazy tongue action.
OK First... you're an adult, a young one, but still and adult... spell out "and" and "you"... the letter N and the letter U don't really cut it. That says to me that you don't even have enough time to give me to actually spell out words.
Second... I haven't talked to you AT ALL in over a year and that's how you're gonna come at me? Really? Not even a how are you? What have you been up to? I missed you.
Third... YOU want ME to take time off on my bday so I can have you come at me with the really bad kissing?! You have got to be kidding me!
REALLY?!
I gotta say totally offended.
Please correct me if I'm wrong here.
OK getting off my high horse now
XOXO
Darla
Let me start by saying that you probably won't hear much about the Young One unless I go back thru some text message archives. I haven't really talked to him in about a year.
I met him thru a friend and I honestly don't remember how old he was at the time. He was legal so.... whew! Anyway we didn't really start messing around until a few years later, and by then I know he was at least 21, maybe 22. And yes I am old enough to be his mother.... a really really young mother. He doesn't live in town so most of it was dirty text messages (I should teach a class).... boys now days are all about the text messages... what happened to calling a girl?
Anyway....
He was a sweet kid, but it was doomed to fail from the start. First he was who he was.... can't go any further into it then that. Trust me. Second, he really wanted to get married and have like a million babies. Anyone who knows me knows that this is not really my game plan to put it mildly. Kids freak me out. Scratch that BABIES freak me out. Third, he was YOUNG. I know age isn't supposed to matter and if you're in love you don't see age... blah blah blah blah. But 14 years difference is A LOT. And with guys its not just the 14 years you are dealing with. They are like dogs, but in reverse. For dogs one of our years is like 7 for them right? Well with guys 7 of our female years is like one of theirs. My theory is take a guys age and subtract 7 years and you get his maturity level. 21 = 14. Now tell me if you are 30 something, do you really have any business messing around with some one that has the maturity level of a 14 year old boy?
Yeah didn't think so!
So having said all that the BIGGEST problem with the Young One was that he was a really bad kisser.... really impressive at other things (I'll keep it clean this is a family show after all).... REALLY impressive. The kissing however was extremely lacking... came at you with full on open mouth and crazy tongue action.
Girls don't you agree with me that the dude (or chick, don't want to offend or alienate) you're seeing or messing around with HAS to be a great kisser.... otherwise even if he's good at other things all you can focus on is the kissing? Like you can be getting all into the nasty and having a good time and then he starts kissing on you and all you can think is "OK please stop cause you just killed the mood". But how do you tell him that he's a bad kisser without hurting his feelings? Do you try to deflect it in some way? Distract him with other things?
So like i said its been about a year since I talked to him. Honestly I got bored with him and ended it. Not a great reason, but there it is. I kind of randomly ran into him a little while ago and can we say awkward? He did give me a big hug when we said good bye and I had to give him the "pat pat". You would think that would be the end of it but no! I got a message from him on FB about a week later asking me what my bday plans were and to text him and that seeing me brought back good memories. I was like OK I can see what this is about. So I text him what I had planned and this is what I got back.
"I have 2 days off from work. I could come up Thursday n be with u n maybe u could take that Friday off n we could just fool around all day before I had to come back for work Saturday morning"
OK First... you're an adult, a young one, but still and adult... spell out "and" and "you"... the letter N and the letter U don't really cut it. That says to me that you don't even have enough time to give me to actually spell out words.
Second... I haven't talked to you AT ALL in over a year and that's how you're gonna come at me? Really? Not even a how are you? What have you been up to? I missed you.
Third... YOU want ME to take time off on my bday so I can have you come at me with the really bad kissing?! You have got to be kidding me!
REALLY?!
I gotta say totally offended.
Please correct me if I'm wrong here.
OK getting off my high horse now
XOXO
Darla
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Beginings...
Hey all!!
This is my first venture into blogging, so bare with me :)
My good friend and YAYA sister, T, has been telling me for YEARS that I should start a blog about all the dumbass things boys have said to me over the years. So here it is.
I am getting to be a woman of a certain age, not quite there yet, but definitely old enough to know better. I am sooooo NOT one of those "but I luuuuuuuv him!" girls. If anything I am the total opposite, at least I think I am. Pretty sarcastic, but very glass is half full when it comes down to it. I like to see the good in people even when its probably not there and definitely give more chances then is deserved.
I have a lot of really fabulous friends and am very lucky that they are brutally honest with me. If you can't trust the people that will tell you the god's honest truth when you ask for it who can you trust? Thanks guys!!
However I am the last of my kind amongst them... the only single one left.... and they are pretty good about not trying to set me up with their husbands, co-workers, aunts, cousins, fathers dog walker... however T's mom in law did try to set me up with her cousin once. ONCE!
They all know the rules and guidelines, and when a relationship goes down in flames the list gets longer, mostly its them adding to it, not me. Hahahahah!!
They also know, god bless them, that if anyone ever says to me "Don't worry you'll find some one some day" I will explode and take them all with me, with out any kind of hesitation.
Seriously to all you married people or people in relationships out there.... that is the WORST thing you could ever say to a single person.
These are all guys that I have been in some kind of relationship or another at some point and I have tried to remain friends with. However it has been pointed out to me over and over and over again that its not a good idea to be friends with a guy that has seen you nekked and is no longer allowed to. Cause it always comes back to that. Always.
So just to give you a little taste of what this is all about... here are a couple of things that have been said to me over the years...
Homeless: "You look pretty good considering how much you've been used" (please keep in mind this was on my 37th bday)
The Puppy: (after showing up at my house at 10pm wasted) "Wanna watch a movie?" Me: "No, I wanna go to sleep" Puppy: "Geez I thought I would at least get a foot in the door.......(pause) can you give me a ride home? I think I'm drunk."
Then there are of course the various online dates I have been on.....
But I think that may be a blog for another day.
This one is long enough.
XOXO
Darla
This is my first venture into blogging, so bare with me :)
My good friend and YAYA sister, T, has been telling me for YEARS that I should start a blog about all the dumbass things boys have said to me over the years. So here it is.
I am getting to be a woman of a certain age, not quite there yet, but definitely old enough to know better. I am sooooo NOT one of those "but I luuuuuuuv him!" girls. If anything I am the total opposite, at least I think I am. Pretty sarcastic, but very glass is half full when it comes down to it. I like to see the good in people even when its probably not there and definitely give more chances then is deserved.
I have a lot of really fabulous friends and am very lucky that they are brutally honest with me. If you can't trust the people that will tell you the god's honest truth when you ask for it who can you trust? Thanks guys!!
However I am the last of my kind amongst them... the only single one left.... and they are pretty good about not trying to set me up with their husbands, co-workers, aunts, cousins, fathers dog walker... however T's mom in law did try to set me up with her cousin once. ONCE!
They all know the rules and guidelines, and when a relationship goes down in flames the list gets longer, mostly its them adding to it, not me. Hahahahah!!
They also know, god bless them, that if anyone ever says to me "Don't worry you'll find some one some day" I will explode and take them all with me, with out any kind of hesitation.
Seriously to all you married people or people in relationships out there.... that is the WORST thing you could ever say to a single person.
There are a few key players you should be aware of:
Homeless
Homeless
The Young One
The Puppy
Yup you guessed it, names have been changed to protect the not so innocent.
These are all guys that I have been in some kind of relationship or another at some point and I have tried to remain friends with. However it has been pointed out to me over and over and over again that its not a good idea to be friends with a guy that has seen you nekked and is no longer allowed to. Cause it always comes back to that. Always.
So just to give you a little taste of what this is all about... here are a couple of things that have been said to me over the years...
Homeless: "You look pretty good considering how much you've been used" (please keep in mind this was on my 37th bday)
The Puppy: (after showing up at my house at 10pm wasted) "Wanna watch a movie?" Me: "No, I wanna go to sleep" Puppy: "Geez I thought I would at least get a foot in the door.......(pause) can you give me a ride home? I think I'm drunk."
Then there are of course the various online dates I have been on.....
But I think that may be a blog for another day.
This one is long enough.
XOXO
Darla
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